Monday, May 6, 2013

Chaos at the First Semesterly BEER MILE

Ridiculously dressed, my heart pounded as the national anthem played in the background. We, a gang of 16 good friends, were too nervous to even listen to the anthem. Jittery, beers in hand, already not sober, families circling the track, middle school softball practice up above us on the hill, some dude riding laps on a bike, and a dog were all watching us with cocked heads.

Drek, soon-to-be ESPN the Ocho's new announcer, counted down from three. Cans clicked. "GOOO!!!"

Mike Jones (who?), the infamous drinker-gone-ultrarunner, came out swinging with an estimated 10-second chug. Beer over the head to ensure it was finished, he gunned it down the track. I followed five seconds later. No one else contended for the win. 

The scene at the transition area was chaos. Already cries of "I CAN'T DO IT!" were yelled (by the females), and people seemed to be walking in circles. Drek and the rest of apt. 327 screamed at the competitors, "CHUG CHUG CHUG COME ONNNN." Mr. Mike Jones stayed five seconds ahead of me coming into round two, and I let him take the lead after the second beer. I started to reel him in, when I came upon the infamous Guy Love


in classic ultrarunner style, arms swinging wildly. like this (skip to 0:30):

Trying to control the contents of my stomach was difficult laughing my head off, keeping a constant cadence, of course focusing on form (not), and dainty burps were happening simultaneously, somehow. Glove, prior to the event, jokingly said he'd break 7 mins, and I thought, no way, that's a super fast mile and <30sec chug average. And Tech legend Graham Peck, 14th finisher in JFK 50 this past year, had a PR in the beermile of 7:16... Because he runs like a 4:10 mile and a 2:30 marathon, and I run a 5:15 mile and a 3:10 marathon (hey, haven't tried in a couplea years), I thought just breaking 10 mins would be good. Guy responded, "I dunno, I never really chug beers." Ahhh, but that's what college is for. Plenty of both in my three years here at Tech (thanks boys), I was born for this. The adrenaline flowed. 

I don't remember rest of the second lap, but I think I came into transition simultaneously with Mr. Mike Jones. The third lap was a heavenly adrenaline-drunk blur. 

Now in the lead for the last round, announcer Drek was amazed at my chugging ability. Normally, I don't chug beers but stick to some good ol tequila or bourbon, but my apartment is known for beating 327 in a case race (42 minutes, hold the applause). I perfected the art. I walked in a couple small circles while Taylor "already ran 4 miles today" Walton hands-on-knees said "this. is. so. hard," Roomie Chris "I thought I was gonna win" Crowley rolling over on the ground, Roomie Wyatt "Randy" Lowdermilk throwing up (PENALTY LAP!), and DJ Meems rocking the tunes, time stopped in that moment, like this: 

Everything was perfect

I gunned outta the gate for the last time, surprised I actually just chugged four beers in less than 6 minutes. I picked up the pace the last 200m, and crossed the line in more glory than winning Western States. 6:48. 

Kinda like this

Crowley ended up catching the girls, almost chicked, but instantly stopped to the ground on his last lap and emptied his stomach violently. penalty lap. He got chicked. x3. 

J "#bigthingshereandthere" Capp puked, but in a porter potty, so can we subtract his penalty lap? 

Darren "the freshman" and Steve "the freshman," with only 3/4ths a year of college drinking under their belts, struggled. Look forward for them when they gain more experience. 

Glove, a recent and fellow top-10er at Promise Land 50k, was certainly the race disappointment. Apparently powerwalking does not yield results in a mile long race. 

Before or after?

Definitely After

The Last Placers

Not really accurate results (track is 9m long/lap?)

1. Rudy "test tomorrow morning" Rutemiller: <7:06
2. Mike "can we go to TOTS now?" Jones: <7:37
3. Dylan "wolfshirt" Hesse: <9:11
4. Steve "The Freshman": 9:30ish
5. Wyatt "Puketastic" Lowdermilk: <11:51
6. J "#bigthingshereandthere" Capp: <12:11
7. Kent "wait guys I have pints?" Robinson: <13:00
8. Guy "glorious" Love: <13:26

Seven other finishers somewhere in there. The first four places are accurate.

See you round the mountain  pong table

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